Is Looking for Love Over 60 No Longer Important?

If you are a single older woman 60 and beyond, are you seeking a new romantic relationship at this point in your life? For those who have been lucky enough to be in a long and happy marriage, congratulations and Mazel tov! May you have continued happiness.

A study was done at the University of Bath in the U.K that found the odds of a woman 65-74 finding love was 1 in 304. But is love in the romantic sense what older women are looking for? I can only relate to my own experience. I was married for 23 years and was in a live-in relationship with a man for 15 years. Both died of cancer, and I was the primary caregiver.

As you can imagine, I’m not in a hurry nor have I the desire to go through that again. However, it’s not from the fear of losing another person to death. Neither of my relationships was perfect even though we had many happy days and fun along the way. They also involved narcissism, financial problems, and even alcoholism.

I am reveling in my freedom

I didn’t want either of them to die but now that they are gone, I am enjoying the freedom to set my own hours, eat whatever I want, and I don’t have to answer for what I spend. There is no more dealing with a grouchy temper, a stinky bathroom, or arguing over stupid things like how to load the dishwasher. My roommate and I don’t always agree about everything and she sometimes smokes, which I hate, but I don’t sleep with her so it’s easier to deal with.

Finding a new partner would be for convenience

I miss having a partner who I can go with to parties, events, and restaurants because it’s awkward doing that alone. Still, it doesn’t keep me from going out by myself and having fun.  I also adored traveling with my boyfriend because he loved it as well and was good at planning trips, could figure out currencies, and was good with a camera. It’s nice to be able to share experiences like that with someone else, but I also love traveling solo because I can do my own thing without adhering to someone else’s agenda.

My boyfriend gave me the opportunity to see the world which not only changed my life but my children’s lives as well. They both love to travel, especially my daughter who now takes me with her on trips once in a while.

Travel was not in my husband’s vocabulary at all. He went to Africa twice to work as a cameraman but saw it as more of a job than a life-changing experience. He never left the United States before that except for short visits to Mexico and Canada.

Men are always handy to change a lightbulb, check the motor oil, or turn on a BBQ but I can figure that out if I have to and there is always AAA.

My main motivation for “looking for love” right now would be purely financial which isn’t a good reason because it would be disingenuous.

Menopause or Man-o-pause?

We can blame menopause for our lack of sexual desire but that doesn’t have anything to do with why I’m not on the dating scene. I had an ultra-hot relationship with my boyfriend for several years until he moved in with me. He soon announced he was “too old” for sex.  I later found out he had a serious alcohol problem and was “addicted” to things he couldn’t have. We lived as “roommates” from 2006 until his death in 2020. I often thought he had gay tendencies because he cried at movie soundtracks, loved musicals, and his brother was gay, but he may not have been able to admit it to himself.

Being deprived of romantic love wasn’t fair to me but our relationship was convenient. We shared two dogs, whom we both loved, traveled, went to events, and were good friends. He also paid our rent with his pension payment which took a load of stress off my shoulders. However, I had to deal with his drunken rages, infidelities with paid “sexual therapists”, financial mishaps, and later his illness.

By now you should understand why I’m not in a hurry to date. If I met the “love of my life” tomorrow I’m not sure it would be worth the complications and potential grief.

I enjoy the company of women

Not in a sexual way, but I feel good hanging around my girlfriends. I only have a few but they are fun and easy to relate to. My roommate and our landlady, who has been my friend since high school, are both my age. We always have someone to do things with and are there for each other in emergencies.

Do I miss having a “love” relationship?

Hell yes! After being deprived for so many years, I would be open for a fling or two if I found someone I desired. But I’m not pining away for a serious relationship. I want to sleep in my own bed without someone snoring next to me and I don’t want to worry about accidentally farting when I eat something gaseous. That happens more and more now once you get older. What I miss most is the companion part.

We were free during the 70s, so why not now?

If you were old enough to experience the sexual revolution of the late ’60s and ’70s, you may have sown your wild oats without guilt as many of us did. Sadly, it’s not the same now as we aren’t as cute and sexy as we were in our twenties. There are also diseases to worry about like STDs and HIV.

Dating over 60 has become easier with dating apps but the thought of flipping profiles for a date sounds dreadful. Old geezers can easily date much younger women, but it’s tougher for older women to date younger men. I can’t get excited about an old guy on his last legs after losing two who died before their time.

I want to live my life and if love comes around, I’ll see how I feel about it then. Until then, I’m digging my freedom and having fun on my own terms.

Are you an older single woman who is looking for love or are you done with it? Please leave a comment below.