• Home
  • About
  • Work with Me
  • SUBSCRIBE!
  • BEST ONLINE SHOPPING
  • Contact Me
  • Baby Boomster Tours

Baby Boomster

Active Women Over 50

  • Read About >>
  • Fashion/Beauty
  • Travel
    • General Travel
    • Los Angeles Travel
  • Wellness
  • Fitness Over 50
  • Lifestyle
  • Recipes
  • Interviews
You are here: Home / Baby Boomers - Women Over 50 / Caregiving-grief / Living with an Alcoholic Bent on Self-Destruction
Privacy Policy This post may contain affiliate links for products I recommend. If you purchase, I may earn a small commission at no cost to you.

Living with an Alcoholic Bent on Self-Destruction

May 25, 2013 by Rebecca Forstadt-Olkowski 5 Comments

It’s sometimes difficult being a positive life-affirming person when you’re cohabitating with an alcoholic who is bent on self-destruction and is trying to do their best to shorten their lifespan.

Living with an alcoholic is hard. Love your life and live for your own happiness

The suicide rate for Baby Boomers has risen significantly. But, in this post, I’m not talking about someone who has or who has attempted suicide.

It’s about those who are subtly trying to take their own lives because of some type of substance abuse.  Many Baby Boomers generation did drugs and abused alcohol during the ’60s and ’70s. Some even occasionally flew out of windows on LSD. 

Unfortunately, many Baby Boomers are still abusing substances, having unsafe sex, or drinking themselves into a pickle. (literally)

I prefer to write positive, encouraging, and fun posts on this blog, but sometimes it’s important to discuss the struggles we all go through in life. They take a huge toll on us. So this time, I’m putting myself out there to talk about something that’s hard to talk about.

I lived with an alcoholic who was bent on self-destruction.

There.  My . . .  gulp . . . admission has now been streamed into the blogosphere.  Now, the entire world knows I’m not a perfect human being.

“What do you mean?  He had the problem, not you.”

“Yeah, but I’m the one who got myself stuck with it.”

I secretly called him Otis

If you came of age in the 1960’s you know who Otis was.  He was that “funny” drunk Andy Griffith would put in jail at night so he wouldn’t hurt himself or harass his wife. I’m sure Otis’s wife appreciated having a break from his stinky booze breath. 

But, Andy would always release him after he sobered up so he could get drunk again. Otis may have been funny but a real drunk is not so nice, especially if they’re out there on the road. I was the designated driver most of the time and secretly wished my Otis would get charged with a DUI as a wake-up call before he hurt someone else, or himself.

The reality of living with a drunk

You can’t help an alcoholic who’s choosing to die slowly by their own hand. You have to focus on helping yourself instead and work to achieve your own happiness.

Alcoholics and other substance abusers have to make the choice to help themselves. You can try throwing all the booze in the trash, but then you’ll find some hidden away in a closet.

Click here for steps on how to help a substance abuser find treatment.

I eventually gave up hiding his alcohol. I liked having a relaxing glass of wine once in a while and resented not being able to drink because he couldn’t control himself.

Fortunately for me, he wasn’t physically abusive, like some alcoholics are. If he was I would have left immediately. When he was drunk he could be mentally abusive and that takes a toll on your self-esteem after a while.

An alcoholic doesn’t know what drinking in moderation means. If you know someone who is still drinking like a 20-year-old frat boy at 50 + they won’t last long. Their only hope is to get help immediately and go into rehab.

Diseases caused by heavy drinking include anemia, cancer, cardiovascular disease, cirrhosis, dementia, depression, seizures, gout, high blood pressure, infectious disease, nerve damage, and pancreatitis.

The substance abuser and you

In most cases, an alcoholic or substance abuser doesn’t think about the fact that someone else will have to care for them once their body breaks down. They’re in denial that they have a problem at all. As I said, an alcoholic or anyone else with a substance dependency has to want to help themselves. 

If you live with or know someone like that, how are you coping with it?  How is it affecting your life and your health?  Is it stressing you out?  Is it causing your anxiety?

Of course, it is.

If you let it, it can shorten your life because of the stress you have to endure dealing with it.

If this is you, you’re probably saying to yourself,

 “What the hell is wrong with me?  Why don’t I just leave and run away from this idiot?” 

In my case, it was a financial issue. Life is complicated. I didn’t have a Plan B at the time and it was scary.  He could roll his car over a cliff and then what?

Instead, I focused on my health and happiness, even though his drinking problem was unbearable at times.

People are put through all sorts of challenges and they still manage to keep their sanity. If you’re in the midst of a difficult situation, you can overcome it too.

  • focus on your own goals
  • keep out of harm’s way
  • remain positive

Still, you can’t just shove it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist. You have to take steps to find the best way to deal with it. It’s important to talk to someone you can trust or join a support group. Do what works for you. In my case, I attended a couple of “meetings” and they weren’t for me. I preferred to work it out myself and did okay. But, that may not be right for you.

Don’t go into self-destruction mode yourself

You can overcome any challenge that comes your way. One thing they tell you at Al-Anon and other groups is to work on your own happiness because there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Update: The alcoholic I referenced died after a long battle with Pancreatic Cancer. I believe his condition was exacerbated by his alcoholism. It was a tough challenge for him and me, as his caregiver, to go through, but now I’m free to live life without that burden.

There were many good things I liked about him even though love went out the window years before. We traveled, went to fun events, and had good times when he wasn’t drunk. But, the bad times outweighed the good and I wish I had been able to break free much sooner.

Alcoholics tend to have other addictions as I found out before and after he died. Addiction is a disease that must be treated and may be caused by something that happened in the past or is just part of an addict’s DNA.

I regret what I put my children through when they were living with the two of us.  Thankfully, both kids turned out well. We all make bad decisions but we can’t beat ourselves up about it.

I am looking forward to the life I deserve with lessons learned and hope, that if you are in the same situation, you will find happiness too.

Do you live with an alcoholic or addict?  How are you coping with it? Please leave a comment below.

Share this post:

Share on Twitter Share on Facebook Share on Pinterest Share on LinkedIn

Filed Under: Caregiving-grief Tagged With: caregiving, Self Improvement, substance abuse

Post Updates

See my favorite books on Amazon here!

Listen to popular audiobooks without subscription fees with Chirp!

Comments

  1. GILLIAN says

    June 4, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    What a brave admission Rebecca! You help so many people by being so open and honest about you and your personal situation. I know you are on the track to becoming more independent and, perhaps one day, will be able to see a way forward. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
    • Rebecca Forstadt-Olkowski says

      June 4, 2013 at 1:32 pm

      Thanks Gillian. I took a leap of faith posting this. I hope others will benefit from it. I definitely don’t admit to being perfect as no one is. We all have some baggage to deal with especially as we get older. I plan to overcome this and hope others will be able to as well.

      Reply
  2. Darlene says

    June 5, 2013 at 12:29 am

    Wow indeed, right out there for the world to see. Brave and I call that being a leader and one strong lady!

    Reply
    • Rebecca Forstadt-Olkowski says

      June 5, 2013 at 11:08 am

      Thanks Darlene. It’s not always easy but challenges are meant to be overcome. Thanks for the support.

      Reply
  3. 70's In Florida says

    November 15, 2021 at 4:11 am

    You did the right thing and are helping others. Nobody in their right mind would judge you. I’m a firm believer in removing the plank from one’s own eye first. It’s mostly true that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. It can be done sometimes by either helping them while they don’t know they’re being helped or forcing them to get help with the hope they’ll finally see the light.

    Alcoholics have two problems: The one causing them to drink and two, the inability to stop once they become addicted. Each problem has to be treated differently. You can’t cure them unless you solve both problems.

    Reply

Leave a comment and tell us what you think Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Welcome to my blog!

Rebecca Olkowski

I’m Rebecca a Los Angeles-based travel and lifestyle, blogger

I created Baby Boomster for active women over 50 who are not ready for a rocking chair, but ready to ROCK! Aging is an attitude. It’s all about how you choose to react to it. Read more about me here

  • Rebecca@babyboomster.com
  • Let’s Collaborate
  • Writer’s Guidelines
  • Subscribe to Post Updates Here
  • Read these books on Amazon

Los Angeles resident or traveler?

Visit my new blog BoominginLA.com here.

best online shopping for women over 50

Latest Posts

  • Prioritizing Your Changing Dietary Needs Over 50
  • Why Catching a Cold Has a Whole New Meaning
  • Best of Boomer Blogs: Flowers That Bloom in the Spring Tra La!
  • Are You a Woman Who is Planning a Solo Trip in the Future?
  • The Glutathione Revolution: Interview with Author Dr. Nayan Patel
  • Vessel Health Review: At Home Testing for Wellness
  • LaDuora Duo Hair Care Device Review
  • Homemade Granola
  • Do You Feel Like a Bionic Person Yet?
  • Chinese Coleslaw with Bok Choy

Thinking of starting your own blog? Read this first.

Contact Info

  • About Baby Boomster
  • Send a message
  • Media Kit
  • Writer’s Guidelines

…………………………………………..

Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski
rebecca@babyboomster.com
Los Angeles,  CA 91001

Honors and Awards

Top 100 Baby Boomer blogs

Top Boomer and Senior Blog on Knewze!

Search for a topic

Legal Stuff You Need to Know

  • Disclaimer
  • Disclosure
  • Please read my Privacy and Cookie Policy

Rebecca Olkowski is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to BabyBoomster.com. Other affiliations are listed HERE.

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK |  LINKEDIN |  PINTEREST |  TWITTER |  YOUTUBE | IMDB


BabyBoomster.com is a travel, food, wellness, entertainment, and lifestyle blog for Baby Boomer women over 50. | Los Angeles, California

Copyright Ⓒ 2011 - 2022  | BabyBoomster.com  |  All Rights Reserved

Privacy and Cookie Policy