To all of you in long committed relationships, I applaud you, but it isn’t always the case for older women. You may have gotten divorced, been widowed, or are in an unsatisfying relationship and have lost interest in love because of it.
Don’t beat yourself up
Being in a relationship isn’t the end all be all. I was in two long-term relationships. Though they were nice they weren’t perfect. Both died of cancer, which was difficult and sad. Now I’m on my own and enjoying it because it’s incredibly freeing. I don’t have the desire to look for love right now because I finally have time to discover who I really am. If you’re in a similar situation, I recommend that you enjoy YOURSELF for a while.
Living with other women
I have always flown by the seat of my pants financially as an actress for 40 years and a blogger. The guys I was with were in the film industry and left me nothing, or mostly nothing because their profession was always unpredictable. Although I had a nice relationship with my boyfriend, he never bothered to divorce his wife, even though they were separated for 35 years. I did all the work, and she got his pension. I will NEVER do that again.
It’s tempting to find a man for financial reasons but now that I live with two other women in two side-by-side homes on the same lot, I can manage living in Los Angeles, which is a wonderful but incredibly expensive city.
A friend of mine who is in her 60s and lives alone had a stroke. She is now in a care facility for dementia. She sat there for days in her home before someone discovered something was wrong with her. That’s a scary thought. If something happened to me or my roommates, we would be able to help each other.
You don’t have to live like a nun
Losing interest in finding a love relationship doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. If a guy turned me on, I would be open to exploring it but would prefer he went back home afterward so I can sleep in my own bed. I’m done with snoring, closing the lid on the toilet, sneaking packages into the house, and dealing with fussy idiosyncrasies. I’m also not sure I was made for monogamy.
Done with caregiving
There’s no way I want to nurse a sick man again if I can help it. I’ve done that for two men and two dogs. All of it was exhausting and emotionally challenging.
Do I see a pattern here?
My roommate is bossy and likes to direct things like how to design a cheese plate, or what art goes on the walls, but most of the time she’s in her room watching TV so I don’t mind. The odd thing is, both of my love relationships and my roommate were all cinematographers, who are notorious for being bossy. If I do get into a new relationship, he better be laid back, healthy, and rich. I know that sounds shallow but otherwise, why bother?
The joys of traveling solo
I may have to win the lottery first, but I would jump on a plane in a second by myself. The only reason I would want a man along is to pay for it and to figure out international currencies because I suck at it. I like being on my own timetable so I can enjoy the sights in depth. My late boyfriend loved to travel and was good at currency, but he would throw embarrassing tantrums when he drank too much, putting a damper on the experience.
My only issue with traveling solo is that I don’t love to drive. Planes, trains, subways, tour buses, and walking are perfectly fine with me.
In the meantime, I enjoy traveling with my daughter. She is always off somewhere and I’m her official dog sitter. She treats me to occasional trips in return. We always have fun but she walks incredibly fast and I get out of breath trying to keep up.
The real reason older women lose interest in love
There are other reasons, besides menopause that women lose interest in love.
I could never understand why a young woman would want to date an old geezer. I knew women in Hollywood as young as 21 who had 70 or 80-year-old boyfriends. It always seemed gross and even though I’m in my 60s it’s still kind of gross. Maybe I’m weird. Besides, there are battery-operated solutions that are much more reliable.
I’m sure my days with young studs are over, especially because I need to lose weight, but would that be so bad?
How about you? Have you lost interest in love or are you pursuing the dating scene full throttle? Please, leave a comment below.
Dear Rebecca, am quite happy to be living like a nun 🙂 i loved my husband, and took care of him – but he passed away. So, am living alone, and keeping it that way. Have no interest in so much as a coffee-date. Frankly, i enjoy being old, because old age has a way of sifting the chaff from the wheat.
I totally understand, Sue, and sorry for your loss. I’m glad you had such a wonderful relationship with your husband and that you don’t feel the pressure to find another one. Enjoy!
I know many women who stay in bad marriages because they’re afraid to be alone. Over the past few years, I’ve found a wonderful retreat where I go for three days at a time. It taught me to be more independent (yes, even a few days here and there can do that) which gives more confidence. Good for you, Rebecca in your free attitude.. As the saying goes, “A woman who enjoys being alone is a powerful woman.”
Thanks, Laurie. I’m just going to go with the flow. Love your quote.
After my father died, my mother never dated and was alone (and happily alone) for almost 20 years. She just couldn’t imagine being with anyone else after my father, so never tried. Meanwhile, one of her friends picked up boyfriends all over the place.
One never knows where life will lead. I love the freedom and just want to have fun. LOL
There’s a lot here that I can relate to Rebecca. I love your honesty!
Thanks, Carol. I try! LOL
Thank you for this – I’m so glad I’m not the only one! I’ve turned down perfectly nice, attentive men, for some of the reasons you’ve stated above and thought there was something wrong with me. But maybe I just like having no one to answer to and have to explain myself to, after 3 lousy relationships. I get to do what I want, eat what I want, spend my money on what I want….the list goes on 😉
You are definitely not alone. It’s nice to have the freedom to come and go as you please without having to placate someone else’s wishes.