Baby Boomer women are now in their 60s and 70s. Not long ago we were partying in our bell bottoms with flowers in our hair. The women’s movement gave us more choices than our mothers had at our age. As young women, we were energized, had options, and the world was open to us.
Some of us embraced life full throttle, took on meaningful careers, balanced work with our families, and enjoyed any type of relationship we desired. We were on top of the world and thrived. But now, as we are much older some of us no longer feel relevant and may even feel useless.
So, what happened?
As women get older in this society, the natural progression is to shuffle them under the rug. Young women in their 20s and 30s are taking over our jobs and men’s attention as we fade into the background. We are expected to take our hard-earned money if we have any left, and mosey out to pasture. That’s how the world is supposed to work, right? At least, that’s what we’re supposed to think.
Feeling no longer relevant is a state of mind
There are older women who scoff at the thought of being irrelevant. They are enjoying their “freedom” from dreary 9-5 jobs and reinventing themselves in a multitude of ways. They have morphed into sages and women to be admired. There are also those who break all the rules of aging. They are doing handstands, rocking a bikini, and even driving motorcycles.
That’s not the case for everyone
Some of us may have suffered more than others by loss, health problems, or financial woes and are struggling to be noticed or even survive. Still, others gain weight over the years, feel stymied by technology and are unable to compete, are estranged from family and friends, or are left paralyzed by some other worry.
It’s easy for an older woman to become depressed in those situations to the point where she feels like she’s sitting in a waiting room like Beetlejuice waiting to be taken into the ether.
Some older women give up on life completely
I know women who emphatically believe they have reached their expiration date. One had parents who died young so she expects the same thing will happen to her. She is overweight, hates to exercise, watches TV all day, and self-medicates with drugs and other substances. Giving up will turn you into a ticking time bomb.
The truth is, with modern medicine, we have a better chance of living longer than our ancestors ever did so we still have many good years left to make a difference if we choose and certainly to feel good about ourselves as we age.
Secrets for older women to feel relevant
Put the word “retire” in the trash can.
As seniors, we are expected to retire at a certain age, but it’s still young in today’s modern world. You may no longer work at your “job” but that doesn’t mean it’s time to sit around and watch soap operas all day. Turn the wisdom you’ve gained through the decades into another avenue that gives you pleasure. That may involve volunteering or mentoring. Or it may mean more travel, planting a garden, or reading more books. You may even want to set up a consulting business based on your knowledge or an entirely new business that thrills you.
Keep learning and growing
Your capacity to retain knowledge doesn’t have to stop just because you’re older. Is there something you never had the chance to do? You may want to learn a new language, study computer technology, become a stand-up comedienne, understand astronomy, make Ethiopian food, or solve math problems. The possibilities are endless and there are many online learning sites that make upgrading your education easy. Some offer certifications in your field of knowledge. Others can teach you to be a life coach or even a makeup artist.
Put your health and fitness first
Both women and men age faster when they stop taking care of themselves. Get off the couch and out the door for even a 10-minute walk. Stop eating junk food. What we put in our bodies daily will shorten or extend our lifespan. Eat a healthier diet.
Track your fitness and wellness levels using modern technology. Monitor your vital signs at home with a blood pressure cuff and/or a smartwatch. Many smartphones have health tracking software such as steps, sleep, meditation, nutritional information, calorie tracking, and more.
Go out and have fun
Older women who have spent their lives taking care of and pleasing others sometimes don’t believe they deserve to have a good time. They may have lost friends to illness, moving, or isolation. It’s okay to leave your home and treat yourself. If money is tight there are plenty of free activities to partake in. Pry yourself out the door and do something that will bring you pleasure.
You will feel more relevant when you are out in the world whether it’s starting a conversation at a coffee house or waking through a botanical garden.
Upgrade your wardrobe and look sharp
How you dress corresponds with how you feel about yourself. Is your wardrobe mostly baggy sweatpants and worn-out tee shirts? That would make anyone feel like they aren’t relevant anymore. When you dress like a sad sack, you become a sad sack.
That’s not to say you must turn into a material girl dressing in Gucci or Chanel. It just means wearing clothes that are attractive and authentic for you. Whatever style you choose should make you feel like your authentic self and relevant to the world around you.
A new hairstyle or color will take you out of the doldrums as well. Be creative. Don’t feel limited to “old lady” cuts and go for something edgier.
Get out of your comfort zone and take risks
This doesn’t mean you should jump out of an airplane unless you want to. I don’t, thank you very much. But sometimes we feel we are limited in what we can do as we age. Try something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance. It could be traveling solo abroad. Think about how empowering it will be when you can set your own agenda and not be beholden to others and their preferences.
Stay in touch with what is going on in the world
If you are reading this blog, you are probably also on social media. That’s fantastic! It’s a fabulous way to know what is going on in the world and those you relate to. Even though we may complain about sites like Facebook or Instagram, they have opened us up to people we may have lost touch with decades before. They bring worlds of people together if only virtually.
LinkedIn can help you stay in touch with former colleagues and new business opportunities you may want to explore. It used to be a static and boring site, but it isn’t anymore. People on the platform are connecting and chat with each other to promote, share, and give helpful information.
Social media can also be entertaining. Sometimes I watch silly dog videos on Instagram or TikTok to put a big smile on my face before I go to sleep. Friends post jokes, share their experiences, and chit-chat. When we are connected to what is happening around us, read the news, and learn about special events or real-life situations it brings us together.
How do you turn yourself around when irrelevance shakes its ugly head?
Believe me, I feel that way sometimes. We all do. I have worked as a voice over actor for 40 years in an industry that revers young people. New technology and the ability to record from home have me competing with thousands of actors when it was once a much smaller pool of talent.
Rather than complain, or knock my head into a wall, I stay busy, create my own projects like this blog, get out and explore, attend events, see friends, and take action to get things done. It makes all the difference.
I let my feelings of irrelevance pass and then get on with the business of creating my own reality because we all have the power to do that.
What do you do to stay relevant as you get older? Please leave a comment below.
I feel very fortunate and blessed to have all of my married children and all of my grandchildren living within 3 minutes of us. And they are over a lot. I feel very needed, even respected.
I never have time to feel irrelevant!
Wonderful article, Rebecca!
That’s amazing Diane. It always helps to have family nearby that you see all the time.
I believe our feelings about ourselves should come from inside, not outside. As long as we’re engaged in life, doing things that make us happy, around those who are good company, that’s what counts. How others perceive us is irrelevant.
That’s true, Laurie. Even in bad situations you can create your own happiness within.
I think sometimes people do give up and it’s easy to do that. But being vital and active at any stage of life is always a good thing.
It makes all the difference, Carol.
I so admire all the traveling you do in CA. Often I wish I could jump in the car with you. Life
is quieter here, currently my husband needs more therapy for his CLL. But when we can, we are out and about, Starved Rock, Morton Arboretum, Chicago Symphony. Life is good.
I actually wish I could do more traveling Beth. Sometimes my daughter takes me on trips. I travel around my own city mostly. I’m in Napa to petsit for my brother and he paid my way. But as a single older woman living in LA working freelance, I will need to get lucky and go viral or win the lottery to do all the traveling I want to.
I’ll be sixty in three years time. In India, it used to be the norm for older women to give up on life. Things are changing, in the cities, at least, but we have a long way to go.
We certainly do, Corinne. Though we have made many strides we are still perceived to be not quite equal to men in many ways.
I’ll be sixty in three years time. In India, it used to be the norm for older women to give up on life. Things are changing, in the cities, at least, but we have a long way to go. Your post is a good reminder for me too to try out new things – especially solo travel and a lot more physical activity.
Having friends that will kick you out the door is essential too. When I was in my 40s a girlfriend dragged me around a hiking trail and that eventually led to my quitting smoking, summiting several mountains in the White Mountains (4000 to 6000 range,) and eventually becoming a yoga teacher. Who knows if I ever would have had the courage to move to Florida without a job if I didn’t do those things first? I remember that when my father died, my mother was ready to just mope around the house. Previous to that, they went out almost every weekend until he got ill and passed when he was 80. Her girlfriends from high school were not about to let her sit around and started dragging her out. They had fun together well into their 90s.
Having supportive girlfriends is precious and really helps you get through life’s challenges. That’s for sure!