As we all know, women tend to outlive men so many of us over 60 are widows. Others are divorced or never married. There are plenty of advantages to being a couple but there are disadvantages as well. Those of us who have become single in later life are not necessarily in a hurry to get into another relationship. It’s not that we don’t love men or sex, we just want them to go home afterward so we can do our own thing.
The TV remote
I was at a dinner party with friends the other night and two women, both over 60, remarked that their partners were in command of the TV remote. When they sat down to watch TV in the evening they were at their husband’s behest.
I remember that well when I was living with my late boyfriend. There were some shows I liked that he refused to watch like “48 Hours.” He would also switch channels every time a commercial was on, which was annoying. Our TV was set up with a complicated system that included multiple remotes. I could never remember how to switch from cable to DVD or back again and had to wait until he was around to get the system back to normal.
I now live with a female roommate, but she has a TV in her bedroom. I’m free to watch whatever I want in the living room because she goes into her room after dinner. We only have one remote that’s simple to switch on and off.
A male friend at the dinner party was alarmed that we didn’t have a speaker set up with our TV. He’s been furiously texting my roommate with links to speakers he thinks we should buy. The thing is, we’re not made of money and don’t want to figure out how to configure a speaker that would require another remote. We’re fine using the sound from the TV even though it isn’t blaring loud.
Dealing with the remote issue is just one reason why single women over 60 are done living with men. There are other reasons.
Sharing a bathroom
Even when I was living with my boyfriend, I insisted that we have separate bathrooms. He thought bathrooms should have wall-to-wall carpeting which I think is gross. He also installed multiple adapters in the wall outlets with gadgets plugged into them. I thought it was messy and ugly. Don’t get me started on his toxic air freshener.
I like having my stuff, my towels, and my organized space where I can relax in private and get ready.
Sleeping together
At one point in my relationship with my boyfriend, we had super-hot sex, but that faded away because he had a drinking problem. Booze also stinks and causes night sweats. I wasn’t the one who was hot flashing, he was.
That wasn’t the only reason I preferred my own bedroom. He was a night owl, and I was a morning lark. Our timetables didn’t mesh. He always woke me up when he came to bed. I would wiggle around, and he snored like a walrus. I often ended up on the couch so I could get some Zzzz.
I’ve noticed that as I age I have more indigestion. The last thing I want to do is let out a loud fart with someone else in bed. That’s one advantage of sleeping alone. Thankfully, my boyfriend wasn’t a bed farter, but my late husband was.
Being free to be me
One thing I didn’t enjoy when I was living with my husband and later my boyfriend was explaining decisions I made or what I purchased at a store. I would sneak in packages to avoid questioning. Now that I’m single, I don’t worry about that. I can buy or do whatever I want and if I make a mistake, I deal with it without judgement.
Do I miss living with a man?
In some ways I do. I liked having someone to go with me to events, restaurants, or to travel with. But I could do that without living with him. And I’m not completely alone. I live with a roommate and a friend next door, so we do things together. I also get together with my daughter or son as often as possible.
I don’t have a problem going places and doing things by myself. Many times, I prefer it. If I want to go to an art gallery or walk through a botanical garden, I do it at my own pace without having to compromise my agenda. It’s freeing.
I could enjoy traveling on my own if I could afford it. That was an advantage of living with a man. I didn’t have to pay for everything.
I wouldn’t mind having someone to cuddle up to, but I could always get another dog. Dogs aren’t judgmental. Cats sort of are.
Many single women over 60 choose to live alone, especially after divorce. Marriage can be hard and filing divorce papers can be stressful. After that, many women enjoy their freedom. Living alone lets them focus on themselves and their happiness. For some, filing for divorce means they can take back control of their lives.
How about you? If you are single or could become single someday, is living with a partner important to you or do you enjoy doing things on your own? Please leave a comment below.
And this is the reality.
After forty plus years, I’m so used to Randy—the good, the bad, and the icky. We give each other space and having a spouse insisting we watch his shows every night, would be a challenge for me.
ALL of the above. Thank you!!