Despite rarely hearing about aging parents who are actively seeking a divorce, it does happen. Sadly, it happens more often than you think. Unlike married couples who are under 50 and who still have a major portion of their lives to live to look forward to, when older couples get divorced, the pain and trauma can be more profound.
No matter what the effects of a divorce on aging couples one thing is for sure, you need the best divorce lawyer you can find who can make the difficult process less painful, and perhaps even speed it up.
Says the Laura Gillis Law Office, a divorce lawyer in Phoenix, Arizona, no matter your age, the lawyer you hire should work for you. Your attorney needs to strive to provide genuine and common-sense solutions to what will be complicated legal issues. This especially holds if you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are over fifty or even nearing your retirement years.
That said, what are some of the more emotional and painful aspects of divorcing later in life, and how can they be dealt with in a healthy and even positive manner? According to a recent report by Divorce Mag.com, perhaps when your kids were growing up it seemed like they were the only kids lucky enough to have parents who hadn’t divorced. But now that they’re adults with a family of their own, they may be shocked to hear that their parents are indeed getting a divorce in their golden years.
They may suddenly feel like they’ve reverted to their childhood again while doing their best to make sense of their parents’ now chaotic domestic situation. When parents divorce, no matter what their kid’s age, it is always difficult. But here are a few ways you can cope with it.
Avoiding Your Adult Children’s Concerns
Even if you’ve had a thriving marriage and family, but still divorced later in life, your adult children could be shaken to the core just like adolescent children. The first thing you need to concentrate on should this unfortunate circumstance occur is to practice self-care. Your children will likely be concerned for both of you, and practicing physical and emotional health well-being will be a nurturing sign to your children.
One of the most difficult things your children will be faced with is resisting the urge to pick a side. Keep in mind, this could be significant enough to cause conflict between your former partner and you. Both parties practicing self-care is instrumental in making sure your children don’t blame one side or the other. You want your children to be saying, “Mom and Dad are both doing great and keeping busy.”
Avoiding Financial Fallout from Divorcing After 50
Divorce after 50 or 60 is not only problematic emotionally, financially speaking, it can be devastating. The first item of business will almost always be which spouse gets to keep the family home.
The questions loom ominous and large. Will one spouse stay in the home and therefore take over the mortgage payments should a loan still exist? Will one spouse buy the other spouse out to keep the home? Maybe the divorcing couple should consider selling the home outright to split the profits. This might be the most equitable and practical choice.
Then there is a re-introduction to the job market for some. While discriminating against age might be illegal in the U.S., it still happens all too often. When there is a major gap in employment, age plus lack of experience in the workforce can spell doom. The divorcing, aging parent might be forced to look for a job in the gig economy, like delivering groceries or providing a ride-sharing service, for instance.
Stay ahead of this issue by networking with friends, family, and colleagues. The more people know you’re looking to get back out into the workforce, the less likely you’ll end up using your phone for mindless work like Uber.
Avoid Health Concerns Now and Later in Life
Says Divorce Mag.com, a late-age split will almost certainly entail looking after your emotional and physical health. Divorce creates great stress on the body and mind. It can cause severe anxiety and depression and it can lead to many sleepless nights.
You must consider this: not only is divorce a massive life adjustment but it’s likely been decades since you were single. Even if the divorce is warranted, both of you will mourn the loss of what was supposed to be a life-long commitment. This can lead to physical stress on the heart, resulting in high blood pressure and other ailments. Be cognizant of this fact, don’t avoid it. Don’t ‘force dating’ if you’re not feeling good about it.
Avoid these pitfalls early by re-engaging old friends from high school and college instead, attending neighbors BBQs or other minor social events can do wonders. Even getting a part-time job where being social is a requirement (local coffee shop, waiting tables/hosting, or retail shops for over 50 customers), is a great way to stay active and social before moving on to something more substantial.
Divorce is never easy at any age. But when the people involved are over 50 or 60, there can be significant health and monetary issues at stake. Taking care of your emotional and physical well-being is tantamount to moving forward and staying healthy & active well into your retirement years.
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