Both of my kids became engaged to be married within 3 months of each other. My son got married in the forest at a lodge in the Redwoods near Santa Cruz, California.
My daughter’s wedding will be in San Jose del Cabo, Mexico at the end of January. They are in their mid-30s and established in their professions, so they paid for their own weddings.
That was a big relief to me after losing my husband when my kids were pre-teens as well as a long-term boyfriend who died just before the pandemic. I never pushed them to get married because, frankly, I don’t know how I would have handled it.
Weddings are expensive and are stressful
Due to my situation as a single mom, there was no way I could have paid for anything. Fortunately, my kids are smarter than me when it comes to money. They had no problem paying for their nuptials. In fact, they also made sure I had transportation and a hotel room.
I can’t say I’m proud of the fact that I couldn’t contribute. Far from it. I wish I could have but it was not even the remotest possibility. My main expense was finding a Mother of the Groom outfit to wear.
My wedding in 1979 was large
When I was young the bride’s parents were expected to pay for her wedding.
I was twenty-six and my husband 27 when we wed on a large party boat in Newport Beach. The reception was at a restaurant inside the Pavilion, which is a historic landmark in the area.
100 guests were in attendance, most of whom were friends of my parents. When I look at my wedding album, I have no idea who most of them are.
My family members from back East flew in and I invited a few friends as well as colleagues and actors from a television show I was working on at the time. Two of them became huge directors/producers. Who knew?
It was an amazing event. My mother, who was a dressmaker, made my gown out of silk chiffon and also sewed the bridesmaid’s dresses. We danced our asses off all night.
Given that my parents paid for everything we had to make a few concessions. My dad was part owner of an accordion studio at the time, so the band was made up of accordion players. It seemed corny in 1979 but they played a mean Hava Nagila and polka music which my husband’s Polish American parents and family loved.
I don’t remember having much control over the cake, flowers, or the food being served which was fine because I was working 12–14-hour days on a film set. I had never even attended a wedding before. My friends were mostly actors and weren’t into getting married.
My son and daughter’s weddings are another story
I didn’t know much about what was going on behind the scenes at my son’s wedding. His wife and her family had everything under control. My only job was to show up at the ceremony and the reception afterward. That gave me plenty of time to spend with the family members I hadn’t seen for a while.
There was a makeup artist on hand which some of her female family members took advantage of for a price. I did my own makeup which was fine with me.
My daughter works as an event planner and is super meticulous. Whenever we plan to do anything together, she sends me an Outlook invitation that goes directly on my online calendar. She knows exactly what she wants and has it mapped out in detail. Before the event, I will receive a list of tasks to complete and a full itinerary.
The guest lists for both weddings were limited. My son had a few relatives fly in from various parts of the U.S. which was nice but there were no more than 50 in attendance. My daughter’s wedding will be immediate family only and some friends for a total of 40 people. It’s in Mexico so travel there is more complicated.
Zola is an amazing wedding website
Both weddings are listed on Zola which is the go-to online website for weddings these days. Each couple has their own site where you can find the entire schedule along with tips, wedding registry, directions, accommodations, transportation, and more. It would have been great to have that when I got married. LOL!
My daughter and her fiancé planned a trip to Lake Como in Italy before the wedding so they could get amazing photos done for their Zola site and invitations.
Why I recommend that you don’t push your kids to get married too early
If your kids wait until they are established in their jobs and successful at what they are doing then they can run the show any way they want. As a parent, especially if you are financially strapped, you can just sit back and enjoy the ride. It’s a win-win for all involved.
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