My daughter and son planned destination weddings 3 months from each other. My son got hitched in Santa Cruz at a rustic lodge outdoors under tall redwood trees while my daughter said her vows at Flora Farms in San Jose del Cabo, Mexico.
I needed to find a semi-formal mother of the bride and mother of the groom appropriate for each venue.
My kids were in their 30s and successful so my wedding attire was my main expense. That was a welcome relief to me as a single mom.
Finding a dress to fit the occasion can be challenging if you don’t have a model figure so I have provided some tips, based on my experience, that I hope will help you.
It’s not about you but your role is important
The bride must always be the center of attention but if you are the mother of the bride or groom, you don’t want to fade into the background. The best rule of thumb is to allow the bride to call the shots for colors, style, and formality. If she has a color palette, stick to it and make your clothing choice complimentary.
Avoid wearing overly bright colors, loud prints, or overtly sexy styles. Ask the bride for advice before choosing a dress and making a purchase.
Keep the color of your Mother of the Bride or Groom dress in a subtle or neutral shade. Navy is a popular neutral color and is more flattering than black in most cases. It is also slimming. Blush, gray, pastels, gold, or silver are also excellent choices. If you choose a print, keep it small or the same color tones as the dress.
Don’t balk if the bride decides to go outside the norm. These days, formality isn’t always important. She may want a country, biker, or luau-style wedding so go with the flow unless she wants you to go nude. LOL
Wait until the bridesmaid’s dresses are chosen before purchasing your gown
If you jump the gun on buying your dress and it turns out to be the same color as the bridesmaids, you will fade into the background. Instead, choose a lighter, darker, or complementary shade or print. Never wear the same color dress as the bride or anything close.
The bride’s colors for my son’s wedding were forest green, brown, gray, and black. The bridesmaids wore forest green. I found this R & M Richards 3 Pc Sequined Lace Pantsuit from Macy’s in gray. It worked perfectly for me as I had to hike down to the wedding venue from my cabin in the woods.
Watch my YouTube short video of me talking about my outfit.
Choose a dress appropriate for the wedding venue and time of year
Will the wedding be out in the woods or at a beach? Will it be cold or hot? The wrong dress for the venue could be a disaster. Always include a complimentary wrap if the weather gets breezy and don’t wear thick layers if you are going to sweat. Wear a conservative style if the wedding takes place in a house of worship or an area with stricter cultural norms.
Dress for your body shape
You will be included in many photos so think about photogenic styles. Don’t wear a tight dress if you have a big belly or something sleeveless if you have flabby arms. Otherwise, the wedding photos will haunt you for the rest of your days. TIP: Learn the most flattering ways to pose for photographs. You can find tips on YouTube.
Many mothers of the bride dresses that are advertised are designed to fit models with perfect figures. However, the majority of women over 50 have body flaws they want to hide. They can be easily hidden by choosing a dress with a little more flow in your chunky areas or wearing a matching jacket in a flattering length.
Knowing your body shape will help you choose a style that will make you shine. For instance, an apple shape may look better in a v-neck dress with an empire waist, while a pear shape will look stunning in a waist-defining dress with a flared skirt to disguise a larger bottom.
Other dress faux pas to avoid
Deep-cut necklines are popular at award shows but look cheesy and cheap for a mother of the bride. Strive for sophistication and elegance instead.
Sleeves are usually a good idea for older women. However, if they are too long they will end up in your soup which could be embarrassing. A sheer sleeve is lovely and does not look matronly especially if the weather is warm. If your bust is large, a V-neck with sleeves is especially flattering.
Maxi or tea-length dresses are often better than cocktail lengths for older women. If you wear a long dress and are petite, give yourself time to adjust the hem so you won’t trip. A maxi or midi-length dress may also not require uncomfortable hosiery especially if the weather is warm.
Shoes that match your skin tone will lengthen your legs, are always flattering, and go with everything. Don’t forget that you may be spending hours on your feet walking about or dancing. There is no need to suffer in high heels as there are appealing shoes with low heels that are much more comfortable.
I found these glitzy flat shoes on Amazon that I wore to my son’s wedding. They were fun to wear and quite comfy.
I made a mistake at my daughter’s wedding by wearing pointy-toe shoes. They immediately gave me blisters and I spent most of the evening barefoot. My feet are not made for pointy-toes and I should have known better.
A better option would be to bring a pair of silver or gold sneakers for dancing after the wedding.
Wear subtle and minimal jewelry rather than ostentatious pieces as it is a classier look and doesn’t draw attention away from the bride.
The proper undergarments make a difference. Nude is the best color choice to wear under your clothing. If you wear shapewear, realize you may need to use the bathroom several times during the event. One-piece shapewear items may have cutouts in the crotch but could be difficult to deal with. A separate top and bottom or shapewear with snaps in the crotch is easier.
Treat yourself to a professional nail treatment and hair appointment the day before the wedding. You deserve it. Get your hair colored (if you haven’t gone gray) and cut about two weeks before the event so it has time to relax.
Something borrowed or not new?
Like wedding gowns, a mother of the bride or groom dress may not be something you will wear often after the wedding. It may be a better choice financially to wear something you already have or borrow or rent a dress.
I purchased a gorgeous evening gown with a lace jacket years ago but only wore it once so I wore it to my daughter’s Mexican wedding. I am on the left in the photo below. The mother of the groom on the right wore a chic knee-length dress.
If you don’t want to purchase a new dress you will only wear once, you can rent a dress from a place like Rent the Runway.
Some of the best stores for Mother of the Bride dresses include Nordstrom, Bloomingdales, Anthropologie, Macy’s, Adrianna Papel, and Lulu’s.
Sign up for the Amazon wedding registry here.
Below are some lovely choices for Mother of the Bride dresses or pantsuits. Click on the images to learn more.
Leave a comment and tell us what you think